What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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