my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
