So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Hippo gnu deer
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
