I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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