I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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