hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
