Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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