I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
