Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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