Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize