i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
