so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
