He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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