I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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