tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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