my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
