i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
