note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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