Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
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