Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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