Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
