Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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