so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize