is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
