Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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