I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
