Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
