What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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