Don't make out with my wife yet
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
