Four minutes until I can fart!
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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