Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
