I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
