so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize