Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
