i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
