Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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