I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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