why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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