did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
