I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
