Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
