It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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