none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
operation have a gay friend backfired
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
