I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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