The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
