Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
