We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
