how can u be prego again
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
