It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
