I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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