the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
