So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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