Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
