An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
So squirting runs in the family.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
