just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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