Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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