that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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