Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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