did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
