Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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