Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
