I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
