U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
My bed smells like the plague
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