what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
