3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
