its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
It's blow job season.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
