Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
