obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
