im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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