There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
