he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
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