Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
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