mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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