I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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